A VBAC Story with Gorgeous Photos
My VBAC Birth story✨
By Amanda Darling [I know, best name ever!]
It was about 1:15am on Monday March 16, 2020. I’d been having prodromal labor since Thursday night. Saturday was my due date. I woke up having to pee, so with a whole lot of effort (“Rolling over in bed these days is like a very slow, complicated three point turn.” Is what I tweeted from the toilet) I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. By the time I got back in bed I noticed the contractions were a little bit stronger than they had been the past few days, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I lay in bed for some time, trying to ignore the contractions and sleep, but I couldn’t ignore them. I decided to check the time and it was 2:38am. I decided to start timing contractions, since they seemed consistent and were picking up in intensity. They were about every 2-5 minutes and lasting a minute long.
This was uncharted territory for me, since with William labor started with my water breaking, so as a precaution I got out of bed and called my doula, Brielle. I let her know how things were going and she got to my house shortly after 4am. I was sitting in the living room listening to my birth affirmations and sitting on the birth ball. I felt really good and calm, yet energetic. It probably would have been beneficial for me to try and sleep, but I could sleep at that point. Brielle kept me company and we chatted between contractions. I told Ben to stay in bed so he could be as well rested as possible for when things really got going.
By about 7am I was really going inward to start working through contractions, so I gave my midwives, Seasons and Melissa, a call and they said they would head over ASAP. They got here around 7:45, right around the time Will was waking up. Frances got in her car around 5am and drove down from Logan to help with Will. Will was kind of freaking out and getting into the midwives’ stuff, so Frances and Ben got him into the car and off they went for the day.
Seasons and Melissa had me get something to eat (Costco muffins FTW) and sent me and Ben out the door for a walk. I needed to move around and keep things going. We walked up our street, ran into my friend Kaylee and chatted with her for a minute before heading back down the street. When a contraction hit we paused and I put my arms around Ben’s neck and hung my body limp and breathed through it saying “release”. By the time we got to the front of our house I had a pretty good contraction that was hard to work through. When it subsided, we continued on with our walk and I had a contraction in front of our neighbor’s house that was a bit more intense, so we turned around. I had one more contraction before we were able to get back in the door. Active labor had officially started!!
Brielle kept me moving into different positions, standing, sitting, laying on the couch, bouncing on the birth ball...I didn’t want to be stagnant or stay in the same position for too long (even if the position felt good). Around 9am or so Seasons did a cervical check and I was at 4cm, farther than I ever got with William. It’s still a bit of a blur, but I know I did more laboring in the living room, and at one point I lay down on the couch with the peanut ball between my legs and I took quick naps between contractions. Brielle and Ben took turns doing counter pressure on my back and the cats walked across me. After a while we did another cervical check and I was at 7cm. It must have been about 11am-12pm. That was also about the time I got into the birth pool. We had gotten a square pool online and it was a little sad. It had a few holes and wouldn’t stay fully inflated. It was also a little cool by the time I got in, and all of that combined was a little distracting. It was only comfortable to lay there with my head on the corner of the pool. It was kind of out of body the way I got through the contractions in the pool. I could feel my hands and legs floating in the water, but my back and my belly were tight and I had to say “release” and “relax” to get through them...but I still felt relaxed and loose in my limbs. I tried to imagine what I looked like—serene and relaxed on the outside—and bring that into my mind so I could truly relax through the tightness and intensity of the contractions.
I don’t know what time it was, but I got out of the birth pool and sat on the birth stool.
I don’t remember if it was Melissa or Seasons, but we did another cervical check and I was pretty much to 10, but there was a cervical lip. Contractions had really ramped up and I was feeling almost like pushing, at least bearing down and pushing felt good against the contractions. Brielle put the tens unit on my lower back and Ben did counter pressure on my lower back. This is where everything starts getting really fuzzy and I remember things very clearly. At one point Melissa made me a smoothie and it was SO good! But I do remember yelling at them for turning on the blender during a contraction. The contractions kept on coming, I rested between them, and I demanded counter pressure during them and tried my best to relax and release all the tension and to not push too much, since Peter still wasn’t ready and I wanted to listen to Melissa and Seasons and let my body finish dilating and getting ready to push.
At one point the midwives suggested that we move to our bedroom (we were in the dining room at that point) and Ben and I got settled on our bed, me with the peanut ball between my legs and Ben laying behind me, able to put counter pressure on my back. Everyone else left the room and gave us a few minutes by ourselves. Contractions were so intense at this point that I remember feeling really overwhelmed and feeling like it was lasting forever and I couldn’t control anything. I had to figure out in my head how to adjust my relaxation approach, because simply saying “relax” or “release” wasn’t working anymore. I narrowed it down and said “relax your legs, relax your hips, relax your belly” and just worked through each individual part of my body that was wracked with tension. It made a big, overwhelming contraction break down to something manageable. It was definitely still difficult to tackle, but it was a lot easier to relax smaller parts of my body at a time instead of trying to get my whole body to relax all at once.
We had only been in the bedroom for a few contractions when a super strong contraction hit and I felt my back involuntarily arch and I was pushing. I screamed out, “I have to push!!” And I was simultaneously terrified and excited that I was actually feeling the urge to push! It meant the end was near and Peter was almost here. The midwives came back in the room just in time for me to have a couple more contractions including a huge one where my water burst all over the bed. It *felt* like a TON of water, like what happens in the movies—cinematic, but in hindsight I don’t think it was as much as I thought it was.
They got me off the bed and on the birth stool again, right in the doorway of our bedroom. At this point I lost all sense of time and I just remember feeling super frustrated after pushing several times and not having a baby yet. At one point one of the midwives (I think it was Melissa??) said, “reach down and feel your baby’s head!” But I’ll tell you, nothing felt like a head to me! Some time later during a contraction I was pushing and I felt a POP (heard it, too) and I shouted, “SOMETHING JUST POPPED IN MY BUTT!” And Seasons said, “that’s your baby’s head in your pelvis!” But in reality, it was my tailbone either dislocating or breaking. Jury is still out on that. It’s a really, really good thing Seasons didn’t tell me that because it would have thrown me off and made me concerned. Instead I kept pushing and when they told me where to push, I could feel it and I could direct my energy to that spot.
I pushed for just over an hour, but it felt like eternity. I was frustrated and I know I shouted, “when is he going to get here?!” And maybe a swear word.... I was focusing on low tone yelling and micro naps between contractions. I had two midwives/assistants putting counter pressure on my knees and Ben was behind me putting pressure on my back and leaning his head between my shoulder blades. I could lean my own head back and feel him there and it was so comforting. Brielle jumped up and tied her rebozo (a big, long scarf) into a loop and told me to play tug-o-war with her during contractions. I didn’t think it was going to help, but it was really really awesome to be able to be aggressive and fight against something that wasn’t the contraction and it wasn’t me telling myself to relax.
Not too long before Peter was born, Ben switched spots with the midwife assistant and left to empty the birth pool and take a few minutes. I was in the heat of the moment and probably sounded terrifying. I sounded like a wild animal, I’m sure. It was a little distressing at first for him to be gone from me, but I knew he would be back in time for Peter to be born. I know it wasn’t too long after that that I felt the beginnings of the ring of fire and I KNEW Peter was almost here. I don’t know what I was saying out loud, but in my head I was reminding myself of all the podcasts and all the books that say to go slow through the ring of fire and to pause and allow yourself to stretch instead of tear. I like to believe I did well and breathed myself through it, but I don’t actually know how it went. All I know is I was breathing through it, it was uncomfortable, but not the worst, and then I felt his head emerge and a push later his body was out and they helped pull him up to my chest and I was crying and Ben was crying. I was bleeding a bit, so they got me laying on the ground pretty quick and gave me a shot of pitocin in my leg. It took a bit to get Peter breathing normal (he was having a bit of trouble breathing in—but he was screaming and crying okay, it was only an issue when he was calmed down and on my chest) so I blew in his mouth and nose a few times and the assistants gave him some oxygen. Ben was very concerned, but I knew it was okay and he was going to be just fine.
I believe it was Melissa who said, “that’s a big baby!” She speculated he was at least 9lbs and she was right! 9lbs 2oz.
The rest of the evening is a HUGE blur. I know I was on the ground and very wet from blood and amniotic fluid for a while. My socks (actually NOT my socks—no idea whose socks I was wearing) were soaking and I was so cold. I was shivering and shaking from the cold and adrenaline. Peter did skin to skin on Ben’s chest and his breathing regulated, while I was dressed and moved to the bed and warmed up. Frances brought Will in and he didn’t care to see Peter, he just wanted to sit with me and lay his head on me. It was the sweetest thing. Frances also brought me a double double and a shake from In n Out. While the assistants looked over Peter I got snuggled into bed and ate and it was AMAZING. It was the happiest thing to be snuggled in my own bed, in my own room with my sweet, strong husband there and my older son asleep down the hall.
I wouldn’t have done it any other way. I feel victorious and strong and empowered. I’m emotional thinking about it and looking at Peter knowing how hard I worked to bring him into the world. I feel pretty freaking awesome.